In the early phase of a relationship, people tend to connect on a superficial level. They only reveal that shade of their personality which is sure to impress their partner. But as time passes by and you slowly grow on each other, it’s better to unveil your true self. Out of the many ways to deepen your relationship, intimacy-building questions never fail. We are here today with a solid line-up of questions to improve communication in a relationship and build a level of trust so strong that you can both stand together against all odds.
35 Questions To Deepen Relationship With Your Partner
Married couples, too, sometimes realize that even after sharing a home and children, the magic in the relationship has faded away. They are probably wondering, “What happened why are we growing apart in this marriage?” The honest answer is that life happened. After long, tiring days at work and taking care of the kids, you are both too drained to have soulful communication. Yes, you recount everyday events and nod at each other’s stories. But do you really TALK? Do you get vulnerable before them? Just because you are together for so long, it doesn’t always make you a know-it-all about your spouse. If you give these questions to deepen intimacy a fair shot, you will be surprised how much you are still discovering about your partner even after years of togetherness. So, to build trust and connect with your partner on a deeper level, take a look at our top 35 intimacy-building questions:
1. What do you consider to be your biggest accomplishment so far?
A bigshot promotion, the first award as a debut author, or being able to take responsibility of your parents – the scale of success varies from person to person. There must be certain small or big achievements that make your partner super proud of themselves. It’s a thought-provoking step to take an interest in what they consider to be their strength. We suggest opening the list of questions to ask your boyfriend to deepen your relationship (your girlfriend too) with this one.
2. What brings you the most simple kind of joy and happiness?
This is something you should have probably figured out by yourself by now. But still, what’s the harm in knowing what exactly fills your loved one’s heart with sheer delight? If you know about the things bringing out that blissful childlike laughter, you could make your boyfriend/girlfriend feel happy and loved more often. After all, as they smile, the worries in the world just melt away! Don’t you think? So, this is one from our list of questions to deepen relationship that you should definitely shoot at your partner.
3. Do you have any unfulfilled desires in life?
My mother, father, granny, grandpa – whoever I asked this very question to, always revealed a myriad of unfulfilled wishes. They didn’t have an enthusiastic person by their side to give them the boost to achieve a milestone or chase a dream. It’s not too late for you yet. Be the reason for your partner to one day say that they have lived a full life with zero regrets!
4. What does being content mean to you, be it in a relationship or in life from a broader perspective?
We spend our whole life in search of that satisfaction, that contentment. It’s hard to find the perfect moment of peace amidst so many temptations around us and the eternal urge to persistently attain something better than what we have right now. Is your partner truly happy in life? Are they really content in this relationship or is there something lacking? Go for it, it’s a great question to deepen your relationship.
5. How did you fall in love with me?
Let’s take a short break from all the seriousness and get into a cute, lighthearted question to deepen intimacy and establish an emotional connection with your partner. It will remind your partner of your exceptional qualities which attracted them to you in the first place. They might take a moment to reminisce about all the sweet memories they have of you being all charming and sweet in a bid to impress them. Plus, you get a pump from the flattery and admiration. It’s a win-win!
6. Where do you see us in the next five years?
Isn’t it one of the very obvious questions to deepen relationships? Being one hundred percent invested in the relationship, you must be curious about what the future looks like for your partner. Do you fit in their plans five years down the line? Their answer will give you a lot of clarity and you won’t have to resort to the same old cliche – “Where is this relationship going?”
7. Is there anything about me that you wish I would change?
None of us are truly flawless, are we? A few red flags are bound to catch your partner’s eyes from the very beginning. They have probably learned to live with them, partly because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. This is one of those intimacy-building questions that you should ask with an open mind. Be ready for whatever comes as a response and try to be as flexible as you can.
8. Are you able to individualize yourself despite being in this relationship?
We believe this is one of the best questions to deepen relationships. Ask me why? Partners in a romantic relationship often tend to lose themselves in the process of becoming ‘us’. They forget who they really are outside the relationship. You don’t want the same thing to happen to you too. So, to respect both of your personal spaces, passions, and unique identities, this question is a must-ask.
9. Do you wish to change anything about yourself?
Everyone around us has an annoying list of bad habits or secret weaknesses. For some people, it’s the inability to say ‘No’. Some overthink everything in life while others can’t stop eating junk food. Nobody likes this side of their personality. But they are too lazy to do anything about it. Ask your partner if they need a nudge to change any such imperfection in their nature.
10. Do you believe in the concept of soulmates?
Here’s your chance to find out if your romantic ideas align with your partner’s. Perhaps you believe there is one perfect person for everyone in this world. After you two started dating, it seems to you that you have found ‘The One’, your soulmate. But your partner might think that two people get to know each other, fall in love, and work hard on the relationship to keep it alive. There is no such thing as a soulmate according to them. It’s good to know if you are on the same page. Even if not, they should know how you value their opinion.
11. Have I ever hurt you deeply and never apologized for it?
Suppressing emotions or holding grudges can not be the characteristics of a healthy relationship. Offer your partner that safe space to let out the slightest resentment that may have been bugging them for a long time. By doing so, you are creating a safe space to confess such feelings more easily in the future, without any hesitation. We have no doubt that these questions to improve communication in a relationship are very effective.
12. Do you think we are equals in this relationship?
A relationship cannot last long, at least happily, if one partner is constantly dominated. Being excluded from major decision-making processes or coerced into behaving in a certain way, is extremely derogatory. Hope you are not making your loved one feel this way (could be unintentional though). Just check in with these questions to deepen relationship.
13. How can I be more supportive or where should I put more effort into this relationship?
This is indeed a fantastic question to deepen intimacy and build trust in the relationship. Is your partner feeling exhausted taking care of household chores as well as professional duties simultaneously? This is a way to let them know that you are willing to extend more support and a helping hand to make life easier for them.
14. If we ever find out that either of us is having an affair how do you think that would change the course of our relationship?
Infidelity can be a deal-breaker for most of us. But everyone has their own way of reacting to a hurtful action like cheating in a relationship. It could be shouting and getting physically aggressive or just completely isolating oneself. Some couples come out stronger even after an episode of an extramarital affair if they are willing to work at the root of the problem. Have a light discussion about your partner’s viewpoint on infidelity with questions to deepen relationships like this one.
15. Does your parents’ marriage affect or define our relationship somehow?
You cannot deny the possibility of a life-long impact of a bad parental marriage. If someone lived with the ugly visuals of verbal or physical abuse throughout their teenage years, going forward it will obviously change their mindset regarding love, marriage, loyalty, commitment – literally everything. A happy and healthy relationship is probably a myth in their psyche. There are many ways to deepen your relationship, one of them being you trying to convince them that your partnership is a safe and peaceful space where they are loved, heard, and valued. Ask this question to take the first step toward this quest.
16. Do you think we are both emotionally available in this relationship? Could we improve this in any way?
This whole article tries to bring to the fore effective ways to deepen your relationship. Now that means we obviously have to bring emotional availability into the equation. Are you and your partner comfortable enough sharing your most vulnerable self with each other? Do you try to understand and support the other person when they are going through emotional distress? Which one looks more normal in your relationship dynamic – blame-shifting for any minor glitch or handling a situation more calmly in a rational manner? Where do you stand on personal space? Have a heart-to-heart today and see if there is room for growth as a couple.
17. Do you ever feel I am taking you for granted?
It’s been three years since the day you made a grand romantic gesture to ask them if they would be your girlfriend/boyfriend. Eventually, you moved in together. The fancy dinner dates shifted to staying home in PJs watching Netflix. Getting flowers for no reason or planning a surprise for them is now ancient history unless it’s a big day. The passionate morning sex rituals transformed into a quickie before office, that too maybe once a week. As you get habituated with your partner, a ‘taken for granted’ attitude barges into your relationship – it’s the law of nature and it is what it is. Are you ready to go against that and rekindle romance in your long-term relationship? Then this is one of those sure-shot questions to deepen relationships.
18. What does it take for you to trust a person completely?
In the process of growing up, awful incidents like one’s parents’ divorce, broken relationships, and betrayal in friendships, can leave us pretty shaken. By the time we reach our mid-twenties, it gets extremely difficult to exit our shells to establish complete faith in one person. Maybe that is your version of the story, but what if your partner had had a wonderful life with affectionate friends and family? Naturally, trusting people comes more spontaneously to them. Whatever the differences are, this question is framed to help you build trust in your relationship.
19. How do you feel about long-term commitment?
Believe it or not, a person could be madly in love with you and yet take a step back from making a commitment. No, they are not willing to break up anytime soon. But the very thought of being with one person for the rest of their lives scares them to death. Commitment phobia has its roots in many deep-seated psychological issues. So rather than judging your partner too fast, you could ask them these questions to deepen intimacy and perhaps be there as a support system to get them through this fear.
20. What are your views on marriage and kids?
Don’t you think it is of paramount importance to ask questions to deepen relationship on this very subject? Not everyone joyfully agrees with age-old traditions and societal norms – a romantic beach engagement, a grand wedding in the family church, and setting up a happy home with three beautiful kids. Some people out there are still re-evaluating the question ‘Is marriage worth it?’ Not all women dream of becoming a mother sacrificing their career and freedom, the same goes for men too. So, does your partner lean toward the conventional side, or do they have something else in their mind, for example, a non-denominational wedding at an uncommon location? Do they strongly feel for adoption when it comes to the question of children? Figure out before it’s too late.
21. What are you most grateful for in life?
Now that we have covered the intimacy-building questions that involve you both, from this point forward, let’s focus solely on your partner. We think this is one of the best questions to deepen relationships and know your partner a little better. Gratitude is a rare virtue and as human beings, we should all practice it. Is it the roof over your head or having a loveable family around the table to sit with and eat together on Thanksgiving? Maybe you could keep a journal to write about one thing every day that you are grateful for. What do you think?
22. Do you wish to learn a new skill or change your career path?
Age is a mere number when it comes to learning something exciting or discovering a whole new side of yourself. My friend Mike just got to know that his partner had been feeling stuck at the boring accountant’s office for the past couple of years and realized that it was time to do something meaningful with their life. Mike didn’t take a minute to say that they should quit and follow their heart. You never know whether your partner is also secretly willing to take a year-long break and go backpacking in Europe. Maybe they want to master a new language or become a chef and open a pet-friendly cafe. Why don’t you find out today? Ask these questions to deepen relationship and support their passion.
23. What does a perfect day look like to you?
Weekdays are mundane – all about household chores, work-life balance, and deadlines. Even the weekends have now boiled down to looking for at-home date night ideas instead of hitting pubs or taking a short trip. It will be good to know how your partner pictures their ideal day. Does it include a mindful morning routine and a relaxing bubble bath? Do they just love to invite everyone for a wholesome family dinner? Please go for these questions to improve communication in a relationship. Because if you knew, you could plan to spend a day together exactly the way they like it. Trust me, some brownie points are on your way for this sweet gesture.
24. What is that one thing or one person you are scared to lose most?
People develop strange connections at places that might just astonish you! In all probability, your partner will mention their parents, siblings, and YOU at the top of this list. But it could also be a fictional character, a dear professor, or even Max, the ‘good boi’ who has been in their family for ten years. Think of these questions to ask your boyfriend to deepen your relationship (same goes for your girl too).
25. Has the meaning and value of friendship changed for you over time? If yes, how?
As we age, our perspectives in life grow with us. Someone who was a bubbly person in childhood, a high school cheerleader, a crush of millions, can probably wrap up their entire list of friends in two seconds now. The exact opposite of this also happens around us. The value of friendship matters more in a relationship than you think. You may hesitate to share everything with a husband, but with a friend, it comes more spontaneously. There is nothing like it if you catch the signs that your best friend is your soulmate. It’s a good thing to be aware of your partner’s POV of friendship.
26. What is the hardest thing you have ever had to overcome?
Hardships have the ability to change people. They make you stronger and help you develop into the person that you are today. If you are looking for ways to deepen your relationship, this question will give you a peek into your loved one’s heart and soul. You will finally get a lot of clarity about why they behave in a certain way in a particular situation. And please remember, there is no hierarchy of pain or trauma. If it has given them a hard time, it’s bad. End of discussion. Don’t try to compare or trivialize their issues saying, “It’s no big deal.”
27. What is your favorite childhood memory? Did you have a warm, healthy childhood?
Your partner had a life before you guys met, obviously. You probably know about those days at a basic, surface level, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You could never fathom the depth of their personality unless you discover them as a child or as a teenager. The more you talk about your fond memories and share personal stories, it will give you the signs of a deep soul connection with your partner. And these are the right choices of questions to deepen relationships.
28. When was the last time you cried? Why?
Would you be surprised if they say that it was just yesterday?. I mean, you live under the same roof and yet you had no idea your partner was in such distress. For the love of God, reach out to each other, be vulnerable and open up about your emotions. It will only alleviate your pain and bring you two closer together. And that makes this one of the best questions to deepen relationships and build emotional intimacy.
29. Does your work excite you?
This is definitely one of those questions to ask your boyfriend to deepen your relationship. And it is just as important to ask your girlfriend to see if they are happy in their chosen or current profession. Maybe your partner is extremely satisfied with the creative freedom they are getting at their job. The cozy little cubicle at the office, nice coffee, and an amazing bunch of colleagues make their day’s hard work absolutely worth it. Now if you are planning to shift jobs and move to another city, they might not be ready to come with you. It won’t be fair to ask them to sacrifice their career and relocate just to be with you when they are finally feeling happy and stable. Everyone has their own ways of showing affection to their partner. Let’s take the story of my cousin Ryan and his boyfriend for instance. He is an absolute delight, a fun-loving guy, always very loud with his expression of love. Getting gifts and flowers, posting PDA pictures on social media – that’s Ryan!
30. What are your ways of showing affection or expressing your feelings to your loved ones?
His boyfriend, Ted, on the other hand, is the silent counterpart of their relationship. He will drive Ryan to work, spend sleepless nights taking care of him when he is sick. Subtle and powerful – that’s more of Ted’s way of showing his love. Perhaps you should ask some of these questions to improve communication in a relationship and pick up on your partner’s attachment style.
31. Do you have a checklist that you wish to fulfill before your turn 30/40/50?
A ‘before 30 bucket list’ is something we have all created from scratch over the years. If one of them on your partner’s list is ‘sing karaoke with my soulmate’, you have to step up so that they can put a checkmark against that wish. In fact, how about drafting a whole new couples bucket list that you will fulfill together? Doesn’t that sound as romantic as hell?
32. Is there anything that you wish you could let go of?
Letting go of things, memories or people close to our hearts is not an easy task. It takes a lot of willpower, strength, and courage to finally move on, and never look back. Check with your loved ones to see if they are struggling to flip the page to a new chapter in their life. Such questions to deepen relationships give you an opportunity to discover the innermost workings of your partner’s heart and try your best to relieve their inner conflict.
33. What is your coping mechanism to deal with the pain after the demise of a dear one?
Deep intimacy-building questions like this one will go a long way to reconnecting with your partner and strengthening your bond. Healing is a very personal process; everyone moves at their own pace. You may cry an ocean, drop out of school or fall back to therapy. After losing my brother, I refused to feel anything, or accept the fact that he was actually gone and I would never see him again. I plunged myself into work so that I didn’t have a spare minute to sit in silence and go over the pain again and again. If you have gone through anything remotely similar, you would agree that denial is in no way a healthy coping mechanism. You should definitely let your partner know that you will always have their back and that they can turn to you for warmth and support.
34. Which one do you prefer – staying close to your family home or traveling the world like a nomad?
Here’s your chance to get to know how attached your partner is to their roots, their family, and home. Are they always more excited about solo trips? Or do they look forward to traveling the world holding your hand? It’s kind of an important question to deepen intimacy and get clarity about their need for personal space.
35. If it’s our last day in the world, what would you like to tell me?
Drumroll for the last and the best intimacy-building question we have for you and your sweetheart! If they have to tell you a few things once and for all, what will those exact words be? Is it about how much they love you and how you have made this world a better place for them? Maybe there is something more they’d like you to know. Woo your partner a little to get it all out! We hope this set of questions to deepen relationship benefits your bond with your partner in some way or other. It will be even better if you let it unroll in a conversational pattern and express your opinions and perspectives on these matters too. You will discover each other in an entirely new light after diving deep into the heart and soul of your loved one – that’s a promise!
