Even though as an introvert we know you’d rather curl up with a book or take your dog out for a walk on a Friday night, the daunting task of dating might creep up on you every now and then. So sadly, yes there are days when you have to put on a tie or that dress you threw in the back of the closet, and make your way to one of the nicer restaurants in the city. To exchange pleasantries, buy an expensive bottle of wine and gauge whether something is brewing or not, it might seem like too much effort for you. You’re a pizza and PJs kind of person and the nice restaurant and wine scenario only spells disaster for you. But hey, welcome to dating! With expert inputs from psychotherapist Juhi Pandey (MA, MSc Psychology), let’s discuss some tips for dating as an introvert.
How Do You Date If You’re An Introvert?
Definitely not by sitting at home and thinking you’re not good enough, we’ll tell you that much. We know it can be intimidating to watch the most charming girl float across the room knowing that everyone likes her. And the thought of going over there and saying, “Hey!” will turn your knees to jelly, we know that too. Dating as an introvert is first of all about discarding all those preconceived notions about how introverts are plain awkward. Stop putting yourself into a box and letting it define every single thing that you do. Second, take a chance on yourself and give yourself a shot when starting to feel attracted to someone. If you don’t, nobody else ever will. Putting on the wrong perfume, blurting out an awkward anecdote or accidentally making an offensive remark – even extroverts do these things. But there are other introvert dating problems that we are happy to help you with.
9 Tips To Date As An Introvert
Dating as an introvert does in fact entail putting yourself out of your comfort zone – a lot out of your comfort zone! Whether you’re trying to flirt with that hottie at a party or are thinking about how to make the perfect first impression while trying out online dating as an introvert, we say, “Good for you!” We are happy that you are putting yourself out there and exploring what you might like. But how do you tackle your introvert dating problems? Well, before you walk over to that same hottie and make a faux pas, it is essential that you go through this list of tips and tricks that we have put together for you.
1. Don’t let the competition get the better of you
One of the biggest mistakes that one makes when dating as an introvert, is to shed all that you are and morph yourself into someone else in order to please the crowd. Juhi Pandey, our expert, tells us, “Introverts may not be able to express themselves completely,” and this might make it easier for them to adopt a different set of characteristics to seem more desirable, right? Well, wrong. As intimidating as it may be to actually put yourself out there, you’ve just got to be your honest, unabashed self if you want to find a life partner for reals. She will soon see through your supposed ‘love for football’ when she realizes you don’t even know who Clay Matthews is. So don’t let the competition turn you into something you’re not. That defeats the purpose here entirely.
2. Online dating as an introvert might be the way for you
It’s hard to chat up the new receptionist at your office party or approach the friend of a cousin you ran into at the State fair. Your dating anxiety is going to record an all-time high in these situations. Coming to your rescue…Tinder! The online approach eases you into finding a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Ah, I wish I could tell you how easy it is to be yourself when guarded behind a phone screen. Especially, if you are still trying to get the lay of the land and figure out what kind of person you might really be into, then dive right into the online dating pool. Dating as an introvert man, even if you don’t find the woman of your dreams, you will have new experiences and conversations that will only help you when dating in the future.
3. Are you dating an extrovert as an introvert?
Well for starters, only do it if you are 100% comfortable around them and feel like you can trust them with anything. Just because he has curly hair and talks to the barista charmingly does not mean you have to fight tooth and nail to make him the love of your life. Extroverts can be scary for you. Even awful at times. But if you do care about them and learn how to strike a balance, it can be the relationship of a lifetime. Our expert Ms. Pandey, has something similar to say. “Extroverts are outgoing, social, and have a comparatively better people connect than introverts in relationships. But if they both are understanding of each other’s personality dynamics, it in fact makes the relationship much stronger. So don’t be scared of dating an extrovert as an introvert. Their partner may give leads having understood the personality type of the other person so that they may air out their emotions completely”
4. Small talk is not a villain
Small talk gets a bad rep, even from extroverts on most days. But sadly, civilization has taught us that you have to ask a person how their day is going before you can really start bonding over your hatred for cats. We wish the world was simpler, but before you let your guard down, it is essential to make small talk and establish a level of comfort. So as annoying as it may be, small talk is your ticket into something greater. That’s why one must polish these skills. Practice in front of a mirror if you need to. Practice speaking to your dog. Practice again, speaking to a tree if you’re THAT worried.
5. Make sure you ask good questions when dating as an introvert
One of the most important chapters in these tips for dating as an introvert is to keep the date engaging. If you’re finding it hard to talk too much about yourself, then just impress your date with you great listening skills. If you are speed dating as an introvert woman or are being hit on by a guy at a restaurant, it can be nerve-wracking to think of how to keep the conversation going. In such cases, it can be helpful to constantly have some pre-decided common questions in your head or even on your Notes app on your phone (we won’t tell) that you can ask your date.
6. Introverts in relationships need to learn how to express their feelings more
Yupsy daisy, this is one thing you just have to do. Like we said earlier, you have to venture out of your comfort zone a little bit if you are willing to be good at dating as an introvert. Now, you don’t need to take flowers to all your dates when dating as an introvert man. But a sweet goodnight kiss on the forehead or a flirty text will improve your game tremendously. Just saying. Quoting the expert, she tells us, “When it comes to love, affection and emotions – personality does not make any difference. The only difference that matters is in expression.” As poetic and beautiful as that thought is, say goodbye to your jitters and take one step at a time to show affection if you are serious about wooing that girl.
7. Be honest about your introvert dating problems
Trust us, guys and girls love a person who can humor themselves. So instead of making your personality this clandestine topic that has to be shut off, embrace it and embrace it well. Instead of putting on a fake alpha male attitude, just go in there and say something like, “I actually tripped on the way here because I was nervous about how pretty you are.” See how smooth that was? Being honest about who you are doesn’t mean that you can’t slip in some healthy flirting. Ms. Juhi Pandey emphasizes, “If that person is right for you, they will understand and respect the personality of a person who may not open up initially. Patience, understanding and respect of the difference is the key.” So even if you did actually trip, they’ll laugh along with you and totally get it!
8. Be conscious of how you carry yourself
If you’re dating as an introvert woman and are nervous, worried he is constantly staring at that mole on your arm which you hate when, you just might be overthinking it and making yourself uneasy. But as you don’t let these apprehensions get the better of you, you’ve got this. Be attentive, display good body language and show him that you are receptive and not tugging at your shirt constantly. Making your anxiety blatantly visible is only going to worry them and then neither of you are going to be your best selves on this date. So, stop wiping the sweat off your forehead, pinch yourself if you have to and try to keep it together.
9. Don’t wallow in the rejection when dating as an introvert
“He probably doesn’t like me because I spilled that drink on his friend’s shirt at his house party”, or “She hates me because I don’t talk enough.” Yup, you’re all too used to this negative self-talk, every time a conversation at the ‘texting stage’ goes downhill or someone you fell rather hard for, ghosts you after the second date. We’ll be real with you. Those reasons could very well be true. But here’s the thing – it could be true for anybody! We know that when dating as an introvert, it becomes far more difficult to shake off these bad thoughts. Stop internalizing every bad experience and judging yourself unfairly for the same. Some things work out and others don’t. The only way to get better at this whole dating thing, is to not overthink and brood over the bad experiences and learn from them instead. See? Dating as an introvert doesn’t have to be all that complex. It may feel a little challenging at first, but the more you learn to open up, the more you ask the right questions and the more you feel validated – the whole process will stop worrying you. That being said, you will make mistakes too. Whether you nervously start scratching yourself or drop your wallet to the floor, it’s only natural to make those errors. Don’t let it define you and just try again!
