People said we set up a couple of goals for others but we did not know what relationship goals we had set for ourselves.
The couple goals were set after the wedding
As they say, the wedding is only the tip of the iceberg, the real journey starts after it. There are a number of differences that strike only after one starts living together. This happened in our Punjabi-Tamil wedding story. They stayed home one weekend and the wife was miserable. They went out to party the next and the husband was too exhausted to go to work on Monday morning. Over time, they came up with an arrangement where both were happy – Saturdays at home and Sundays outside.
Timely relationship goals
The concept of time and punctuality varies across cultures. One day an invitation to a friend’s house party came for 8:30 pm. The Punjabi wife insisted on following Delhi Standard Time and reaching an hour later at 9:30. Hearing this, the Tamilian husband was bewildered arguing that 8:30 meant 8:30 and they should turn up on time. Since they stayed far away, they started early, reached the friend’s house at 8:20 pm, waited in the car for 10 minutes so as “not to be early”. They rang the doorbell, but there was no answer. They tried a few times but with no luck and finally called up the friend. She said “Are you here already! Sorry I just got home and am in the shower! Please can you come by 9 pm?” So they went back to the car and waited. The Punjabi wife, thrilled at being proven right, gloated while her husband sat bemused wondering what happened to “being on time”. Hence, going forward, she was in charge of when to go to a party (late) and when to return (one of the last ones). This incident was an eye-opener in our Punjabi-Tamil wedding story.
A magical North-South love story
Based in Gurgaon, the vivacious Punjabi girl successfully Punjabified the Tamilian boy over time. Her Punjabi relatives filled the gaps with many pegs of scotch under the pressure of, “You have one drink only with enemies” and a marathon feast on every visit. His mother-in-law’s famous meat-chawal, grilled fish tikka and mutton keema sucked out the remains of any Tamilian blood in him and totally transformed him. So this is the way things were – the way the girl wanted – for the first 7 years of marriage. The Punjabi and Tamil marriage had so far been going strong.
Moving places
The magical north-south love story took a sudden turn. Suddenly one day, their life was uprooted from Gurgaon and they shifted base to Chennai. This was due to the husband’s work and the wife felt as misfit as SRK amidst Deepika’s family in Chennai Express. Her first experience was interaction with a house broker who showed them houses with a wash basin in the middle of the dining room, proximity to the temple and no servant quarter. However, there were many things to be done around the house to get it in shape. With the broken Tamil of the husband in a distinct Hindi accent (which was often made fun of by his office colleagues) and lack of knowledge of the local language by the Punjabi wife, it was indeed challenging. But soon the wife mastered the art of sign language with broken English thrown in to get her work done. In fact, by the time she learnt “Tamil teriyadu” (I don’t know Tamil), she found it easier to get around. Being based in Chennai also meant being surrounded by the husband’s relatives. It was the Punjabi wife’s turn now to get Tamilified. All these years she had said, “We don’t get to spend enough time with your extended family” and so God had finally given her just what she wanted!
One big happy family
They welcomed her happily and made her feel extremely comfortable. But some cultural differences were evident as she got the hang of things. Like leaving her shoes outside the house every time she went to someone’s house. She recalled Carrie Bradshaw’s statement from one of her favourite sitcoms Sex and the City, “I can’t take off my shoes, they complete my look!” The first time the whole family got together, it was a potluck dinner. She wondered what five different families would make besides idli and dosa. But how wrong was she? There was lemon rice …and tamarind rice ….and not to forget the famous curd rice to add variety. Hot chips were a part of the meal and while she was always told by her mom to stay away from them as they were junk, here everyone from 8 to 80 was happily gorging on them. So, she had her first taste of lemon rice with chips. Over time her taste buds took a liking for rice and now she teams it up with a variety of items and not only rajma and chole.
The North-South love story blossomed
Their Hindi speaking son was greeted with blank stares when he spoke at school. Soon he picked up a few Tamil words and delivered them in his Hindi accent, much to the amusement of everyone around him. The Tamil husband, Punjabi wife and hybrid son are now happily settled in Chennai for over 2 years. The son has idli-dosa every second day but the moment he claims his favourite food is rajma-chawal, his Punjabi mom does a little Bhangra in her head! https://www.bonobology.com/constant-dialogue-is-a-must-when-couples-dont-share-the-same-beliefs/
