If you’re the one to always text him first, then you’re familiar with the heavy weight of a conversation, hell, even a relationship! You’ve got to stop texting him first, take a step back, and allow him to make a move for once. It can surely go both ways. However, it seems that you’re searching to confirm whether he is interested in you or not. Look at these tips to guide you in the right direction! Here are 9 reasons why you should stop if you always text him first:
1. You’re doing all the work
When you’re always the one to text him first, you take away a part of his responsibility to initiate contact and put all the effort into the relationship. Although texting him first is encouraged to do some of the time, being the one to always do it can make you look more interested in him than he is in you. This is just an assumption since there is no way to know about his level of interest if your text conversations are qualitative. If he responds with dry texts, disinterest, unwillingness to engage in the conversation, and doesn’t ask questions then he might not be as into you as you think, and probably it’s best to stop texting first. By doing so, you leave him some room to show interest and investment he’s willing to put in if you’re not always the one nurturing your contact.
2. You’re chasing him by always texting him first
As old-fashioned as it sounds, chasing will lead only to more chasing, and you’re feeding his expectations by always texting him first. Also, by always texting first, you condition him to think that this is how you expect to be treated and what works for you. Giving limitless attention to him will paint you more available and easy for him to reach because you’re the one to always take the first step. Also, this repetitive behavior might not be rightfully valued by him and disregarded as a behavior you must show to keep contact.
3. It’s putting you in a mental distress
Constantly thinking of reasons why he isn’t taking initiative will eventually lead to negative feelings and perceptions of the situation. Even after you keep texting first and he is still unresponsive to your texts, you will feel stressed and anxious about his texting behavior. Although there might not be something to worry about, the constant pressure will cause mental distress if you don’t address this concern with your partner. You should stop being the one to always text him first when you start feeling overwhelmed with emotions and overthink his behavior. Take a break from texting him first for a while and see if he reaches out first. Use this time to take care of yourself, and do the things that make you happy and passionate to face the world. If days or weeks have passed since he hasn’t texted you first, don’t text him and just let him go. Perhaps, not seeing his reaction to you not texting first will help you rethink your values and expectations from a man.
4. You’re not leaving room for him to make a move since you always text first
You should stop texting him and allow him to show his interest in you and the chance to lead the conversation for once. Perhaps, it was the lack of momentum and loss of opportunity that he didn’t text you first. He knew that it would not have much weight because you’d initiate contact nonetheless. If he doesn’t reach out after you’ve presented him with the opportunity, he probably kept texting you out of courtesy and not of interest.
5. You can address this without seeming desperate
You might be the one to text first because you are confident and commutative, however, do consider that he might not share the same attributes as you. If you have noticed that your texting patterns match and you have healthy conversations without any signs of disinterest, or dismissive actions, you can just ask him about it. Addressing the fact that he doesn’t text you first is a mature step to take, rather than just ghosting the guy without letting him know anything. You can ask him about his texting style, his preferences, and what he thinks of texting, to create a better understanding as to why he doesn’t text first.
6. He might not like texting, otherwise, he’d text you first at least once in a while
One nice thing you can do for a person who is socially awkward while being away from verbal signs is not to pressure him to text you first. It is likely that he has thought about it many times but is shy to text you first and thinks that his texts might bother you. But, when you’re the one to always text him first you’re the one to signal interest and sympathy towards him. He must’ve gotten the clue already! Now, him not texting you first doesn’t necessarily mean the interest isn’t reciprocated. It could mean that he’s not into texting. And if that’s what it is, you should stop texting him first. You might have a greater time with a phone call or meeting to hang out since he feels more comfortable being able to see your reaction to his words, and not overanalyze his texts to not be misinterpreted.
7. If he’d be interested, he’d give you a sign
Texting is a form of investment in which both partners should participate to create a healthy and stable foundation to build a relationship. If you are the one always texting first and investing while he’s being passive and leaning back, then you’ve got to stop for a bit. You’re finding yourself always texting first while he answers from time to time. If he’d be interested he’d give you a sign already. He’d show you he cares and that he wants to engage and initiate a conversation with you because he genuinely is curious about you. But so far, he hasn’t. He might be playing games, might be trying to lure you in, or heaven knows what, but unless he gives you a sign that he’s into you, you’ve got to stop texting him first.
8. The weight of the conversation can get really heavy
Texting him first always can be done in light ways, sure. But the more you do it, the heavier the weight of the conversation tends to get. You’re showing enthusiasm, interest, curiosity, and care because you like this guy, right? Eventually, the weight of the conversation gets heavier for you because you’d be the one to always carry it. Now, the heavier the weight, the more tired you’ll get. Next thing you know, you’re the one taking all the steps and making all the moves. For the sake of your peace of mind, give it a break. Stop texting him first and see if he finds a spark in you just like you do in him.
9. It can trigger your insecurities
Being the one to text a guy first can be empowering. However, that beautiful light of empowerment starts wearing off once you find yourself constantly in need to text him “just once more”. Next thing you know, you’ve done a lot of these “just once more” texts, and it’s starting to play a big part in your insecurities. He’s not making a move, and it can make you feel less than you’re worthy of. Well, how about we turn this around?! How about we sit comfortably, remind ourselves of our strengths and values, and take a look at whether he sees us as we see ourselves? You’re worthy of care. You don’t have to MAKE someone show you they care if they already care for you.
What if he doesn’t text after I stopped texting him first?- What should I do?
Whenever you stop texting him first to see if he will initiate, to avoid disappointment and hurt, do it without the expectation that he will. However, you shouldn’t let the ‘waiting’ get to you. Instead of staying high-hoping by the phone, waiting for him to text, continue your day(s) as an ordinary one. – Do the better things you’ve got to do. Focus that energy on doing something which you love or have left behind because you wanted to invest in this relationship. Go on about your day and don’t think about his texts. If you feel like you can’t move forward without checking your phone, turn it off or leave it in another room and spend the day stress-free. – Be good to yourself. Take care of yourself and take your time to process your emotions and deal with the anxiety that waiting brings. Try to be positive and don’t fall into the cycle of self-pity and guilt. If in need, you’ve got someone to listen and help you! Make a list of what you love about yourself the most and how your friends view you. That will help you keep the positivity up and remind you of the amazing woman you are. – Do something you enjoy. Do something meaningful to you that will stimulate you to get up and do it for yourself without a second thought. Challenge yourself to something you’ve always wanted to do and spend that time developing a new skill set, a passion, or reading a book that is meaningful to you. – Relax. Literally. Retreat to someplace you can relax without the stressful gaze of your friends/family that you’ve shared the story with, although they mean nothing but good. Go somewhere that you can be yourself and away from technology and stressful things that are making things even more difficult. It doesn’t have to be somewhere far away, even your house would be a great place if you can turn it into a stress-free, beautiful retreat. – Don’t text him until he texts you. Avoid texting him angrily and accuse him of leading you because he engaged with you in conversations that you started. If it has been days since he texted you can let him know what you think of the situation and what’s the next step you wish to undertake. If not, you’ve already let him know about it, given him the opportunity and you don’t have to text him first this time too. – Get ready to let him go if he doesn’t give you a sign he’s into you. Let him go, don’t run after him to make things right or believe that he just forgot. You shouldn’t text him first with the expectation that things will change. You have already given him enough time to change and he didn’t use it. Stop chasing after him and do what is best for you. Before you come to this point, you will see that the anticipation isn’t as meaningful since you have delayed the time to grieve by strengthening your emotional and mental health. It is okay to get sad for a while but you shouldn’t let it overtake your life. Love, Callisto
